In Germany shaking hands is an accepted and expected greeting ritual; however. Germans seldom embrace. Hugging, even among family members, is rarer than it is in France and in Latin cultures. The handshake establishes touch, but at arm's length, whereas an embrace represents too much invasion of the personal bubble.
The Maori of New Zealand, in contrast, expect touching as part of the greeting ritual. Maori businesspeople may feel left out of business meetings if the traditional greeting, the hongi, or pressing of noses, and the kamnga, or formal cry of welcome, are not performed. They serve a similar function to handshaking in German society, setting everyone at ease. It would be unthinkable for a Maori function not to begin with both hongi and karanga, however many non-Maori are present.
People from low-context cultures tend to feel crowded by people from high-context cultures, and people from high-context cultures feel left out and rejected by people from low-context cultures. People come with certain expectations that frame their behavior. and when those expectations are not met, they feel confused, resentful, or excluded. All people from all cultures bring their unique cultural baggage with them. However, as people learn more about another culture, they adjust their expectations. They become more sophisticated and adjust their behavior according to the context and their degree of awareness of that context.
A Bolivian and a Dutchman who meet for the first time to do business both will be dissatisfied unless they understand each other's touching behavior. The Bolivian comes from a culture that is close, where people touch each other frequently while speaking.He will approach his Dutch counterpart with this background and act accordingly. The Dutchman comes from a much more reserved culture where people are more distant and cold. He too will bring his background to the meeting and act accordingly. If they want to work together, they need to come to terms with these differences.
How do we know what the "right" distance is and what acceptable touch is? As in childhood, we learn by observation in individual situations. Books can help, but lists of dos and don'ts, while providing some initial guidelines, do not give the underlying reasons for individual differences, variations, and changes.
Touching behavior can and does change as people adapt to new cultural environments. Sometimes they very consciously decide to change to fit in. When Vittorio Sanchez goes to Chicago on business, he refrains from touching the businessmen he meets because he knows that businesspeople in the United States touch each other less frequently than Latins do. In other cases the adaptation occurs more at the intuitive level, at which people are not necessarily consciously aware of changes in their touching behavior. Urs Luder, a businessman from Switzerland, has noticed that his past few visits to Abu Dhabi have been much more pleasant. He is not as tense and nervous as before, and the atmosphere is more relaxed. His hosts seem more pleasant. What Urs may not be aware of is that his nonverbal behavior has changed. He does not avoid being touched by the people he talks to, and he approaches people more openly and feels comfortable putting his hand on someone's arm.
If we understand that touching is natural to some cultures, we will be less offended if someone touches us. By the same token, if the other person knows that we need our space, he or she will allow us more room and breathing space.
Above all, we need to keep things in perspective and not get offended each time we deal with someone who has a different relationship to space. Men in Africa hold hands with other men while walking down the street. Men in the Middle East kiss the cheeks of other men in greeting. Russian men embrace in a bear hug. Doing business with people from other cultures may mean setting aside ideas about touching learned in one's culture. During a television interview the late Egyptian president Anwar Sadat, in the excitement of the discussion, slapped the former British prime minister, Margaret Thatcher, on the knee. Most people think of Mrs. Thatcher as properly British and fairly distant, but she was not offended. She correctly interpreted the gesture as acceptable in the Egyptian culture.